Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Adventures in Renovations

I mentioned earlier that my life was in disarray because of my kitchen being remodeled.  And then I got stuck at home with no appliances or sinks due to a snow storm.  But then suddenly it was over. 

But the most important part of this is WHO was doing the renovations.  They were very nice men.  But after they left I had the overwhelming desire to clean my kitchen.  With bleach.  When the hubs came home and saw me, with latex gloves on, a bucket of bleach and on my hands and knees scrubbing he just stared.  Then finally...

Hubs: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Disinfecting."

Hubs: "Exactly what is our floor infected with?"

Me:  "Butt Lesions, obviously."  (I realize NOW this was probably not an obvious infection of our ceramic tile).

Hubs: "And where did the tile get butt lesions?"

Me: "From the contractor.  HE has butt lesions."

Hubs: "How do you know?"

Me: "Really?  That's what you want to ask right now?  You don't want to know if the butt lesions are infected with like herpes or Malaria?  Do you not realize I am trying to SAVE our LIVES?"

Hubs: "Well, are they?"
Me: "How would I know?  I didn't ask for a sample of the man's butt lesions!"

Hubs: "How do you know he has butt lesions?"

Me: "Because I am pretty sure he moonlights as a plumber."

To me, that OBVIOUSLY means he doesn't wear a belt.  Or suspenders.  Or freaking underwear that covers his crack.  To Hubs that meant I hired him to do plumbing...

Hubs: "So he....was working on the toilet?"

Me: "Don't be ridiculous.  He puts in tile."

Hubs: "Then how do you know of the butt lesions?"

Me: "Aaron told me!"  (Aaron is a co-worker - a married co-worker who likes women).

Hubs: "And he knows because..."

Me: "You pay no attention.  Aaron SAW the butt lesions when he was bent over."

Hubs:  "Nevermind...I don't REALLY need to know...."

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